


you were beautiful

by mik6sas



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, Love Letters, Other, Platonic Soulmates, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:22:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29151939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mik6sas/pseuds/mik6sas
Summary: "we, living corpses, go outside the wall.let's meet again in a place beyond the map."-a letter from connie springer of the 104th cadet corps.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Sasha Blouse, Mikasa Ackerman/Sasha Blouse, Sasha Blouse & Connie Springer, Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer, Sasha Blouse/Eren Yeager, Sasha Blouse/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 10
Kudos: 64





	you were beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> hi lol i'm just venting abt ep 8 because i couldn't stop crying, enjoy. unbeta'd
> 
> spoilers for season 4 episode 8,  
> tw for mentions of suicide

  


i met this girl back in the 104th from dauper, an obscure little town deep in the south of wall rose. don't ask me if i loved her like _that_ , because that's what everyone asks (and sometimes i'm afraid if i did). 

  


ask anyone we knew, and they, too, would only label our bond as one resembling twins, like the gemini.

  


i don't feel like talking about how she died, because that's not the point of this letter, and i'd rather not dwell on memories that i've relived in my brain too many times over. 

  


she was dynamite in human form, pure energy that couldn't be contained, my stupid best friend. she was the bastard who could give shadis less than half a potato with striking naivety and infectious confidence. hell, the girl even told _levi_ to shut up. albeit unknown to her, she left an angel-shaped imprint on the hearts of everyone she met, her existence unforgettable.

she wasn't particularly exceptional, but neither was i. i'd say that it was our blinding normalcy which drew us together. she wasn't a titan shifter, didn't possess remarkable intelligence nor sheer strength, but she was just like me:

  


human, unapologetically so.

  


she let me cling onto my childhood dreams, long after i'd left my youth, in the most beautiful way, and i wish i still had the opportunity to tell her.

  
  


i wanted so badly for her and niccolo to wind down together, in love.

  


love that would've made her pretty smile glow like it used to, like the torches we used to carry that flickered against coal colored skies.

love that'd fill her soul up plenty, love that would make her feel whole again.

  


niccolo's a good guy; he heads down to the graveyard twice a week with a meal in hand and a bouquet to talk to her through desperate, melancholy touches to her tombstone. 

  


we've all changed. mikasa can't smile anymore, neither can eren. armin tells me jean routinely breaks down, _marco's_ and _sasha's_ spilling from his lips as he covers his ears and weeps softly in a corner. 

  
  


sasha braus, i failed to look out for you more often.

  


i think the bullet should've gone through my body instead of yours. i think i became much too alive for my own good, and that the universe is so _fucking_ selfish, letting me stay behind while you died before my eyes. we were never meant to be separated, not like this.

  


wait for me up there, you'll have to show me around heaven, no?

  


i love and miss you more than you'd ever believe, sasha. see you soon.

  
  


_regards,_

  


_connie springer_

  
  
-

  


shaky fingers slide the note in the envelope. connie, with a gun in his waistband, walks down to the graveyard, whistling a nursery rhyme native to dauper. he places the envelope delicately on her tombstone which reads:

  
  


SASHA BRAUS

834-854

_A beloved friend and dedicated soldier of Paradis_

_Forever admired_

  


connie's life didn't flash before his eyes like he thought they would. 

  


laying next to the tombstone with the gun against his temple, his memories with sasha instead play on his eyelids lazily, staining his mind with thoughts of _her, her, her,_ because what else could have mattered in this moment?

  


white lilies wilt away in the afternoon heat of july, decorating the tombstone. connie plays with one of the stems. 

  


dying 6 feet above sasha's corpse didn't seem terribly bad, not when the dizzying smell of the flowers pleasantly tingled his nose and the weather sticky on his clothes like honey.

  


his finger slides up to the trigger, and he hears a picnic basket drop to the ground.

  


_shit_ , he forgot they'd be here today.

  


and as jean runs to him, screaming "no fucking way, man," a tear runs down connie's cheek. from the bottom of the hill the graveyard resides, mikasa, armin, and eren follow closely behind him, tripping over their feet until they all collapse onto connie in a tight group hug. "no fucking way, no fucking way," does jean echo amidst chaste kisses to his temple; was he always so affectionate?

  


maybe he wasn't a burden.

  


connie chokes out apologies and wonders what tomorrow will bring.

**Author's Note:**

> connie and i miss u potato girl
> 
> thanks for reading


End file.
